Regulating Emotions (Part 1)

 

Sometimes we become so ignorant of things or so blind that the reality is right in front of us and we are not able to see it. Humans are very much driven by emotions, which is a good thing because it helps us in many ways and many others around us. But sometime they become the source of our problem and this happens when we are blinded by emotions. Let that emotion be love or anger or sadness or happiness. Anything in excess is damaging and so are good things. Like eating too much causes vomiting. Extreme happiness and euphoria is a mental illness. 

Regulating emotions  

The key solution here is “controlling emotions” or an even better term “regulating emotions”. This all comes under the concept of emotional intelligence which is as much important as any other form of intelligence.  We are never explicitly taught about emotional regulation and it’s believed that it comes with age as does wisdom. We spent our lives without knowing that how much weightage we are supposed to give to our emotions. And when it’s the time to use our reason and logic and stop following the track of emotions. We don’t recognise it but many things go wrong because of low emotional intelligence. Sometimes we burst out at wrong places and sometimes we don’t show any emotions where it is needed. Sometimes we misinterpret someone or are unable to understand them. Sometimes we don’t even understand ourselves. Sometimes we are unable to show empathy.

Inappropriate emotional regulation also affects our interpersonal relations. We don’t really know how much emotions are appropriate in any situation because we are never taught this and conventionally it is not considered to be important. In reality without this intelligence life can get really messy.

 

The ultimate key- consciousness and control  

The first thing to understand is that emotions are a product of environment and brain activities. But with your mind you can have total control over your emotions. You just need to realize that they are in your control only and with conscious effort you can totally have a hold on them. By being totally present in the situation, by being aware of the bodily changes which are occurring and understanding why those changes are happening. Now that you are aware of whatever is happening, you’ll be aware of whatever will happen next. You will feel a control over ourselves and the situation which is going on. Consciousness gives us the control. When we are under the influence of drugs, we lose this consciousness therefore we lose the control and we often make mistakes out of our awareness and usually cannot recall them. But by being conscious you are being aware and by being aware you can gain control. Now it’s clear that you are in control of our emotions and you regulate them.

How much to express them, is a bit tricky and complex. As this depends from situation to situation so a thorough analysis or securitizing every aspect and factors of a situation will give certain cues about how much to express and what to express. A very important factor – you being in total control of what you are saying and how.       

Emotions effecting relationships 

 We often hear that a relationship ended because one of the person was ‘emotionally dead’ or better way to put it- deprived of emotions. But emotional over-involvement, over-investment in a relationship can end up being a problem for a relationship too. Nothing is good in deprived state and neither in excess. What’s best is the optimum level.                            

Most of the time in a relationship it’s our emotions that are dominant which is not a bad thing, bad is the total absence of logic. We are always acting and reacting on emotion but we must know the point where to discontinue this or else most probably it will destroy the relationship. So knowing where to stop the dominance of emotions and let the logic and reason dominate is very important. As it helps in making sound decisions by analysing the situation in totality and being fair and unbiased. 

 

Sounds difficult but once you become totally conscious and an aware individual, this comes naturally and effortlessly. So again the key is being aware and very conscious of whatever you are saying and thinking and feelings. At first it might feel over exhausting and a draining process but with time and practice, it will be effortless. You will naturally become a very conscious person.